I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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