There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
