i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
