party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
