You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize