that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
