so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We need to get me chipped asap
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
