i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize