Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Randomize
