I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
