You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
