I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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