You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
