I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
it hurts more in the daytime
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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