just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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