dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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