Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
