remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
