after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
