i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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