I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
