i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize