Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize