My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
