Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
