that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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