Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Randomize
