I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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