Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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