wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
