Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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