i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
