I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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