I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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