i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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