Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
