I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
