you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize