You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
