i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
