you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
