Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize