I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
