Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
