There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
