we're blogging at a bar
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
