It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
