I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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