I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
