No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
