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he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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