your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
