Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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