She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
