would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
