i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize