I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
