if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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