Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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