I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
