Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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