nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
