a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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