i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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