Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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