Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
