You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
