You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
did i walk over a car last night?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
