my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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