How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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