dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
