We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
