Can Purell be used as lube?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
