Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
