Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Damn victory sex feels great
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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