i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
