There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
