I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
how does that bad decision feel?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
