This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
