You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
