If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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