Are we in a gay sports bar?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
