Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
