would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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