bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize