so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
