Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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